#4

When I was younger there was a man in my life who seemed to take pleasure in making me feel very small. His favorite pet name for me was stupid-dummy. Day after day, year after year I heard it. After awhile I started to believe it.

#3

Having pretty things....

"Nice" things have been few and far between in my life. I grew up poor and to this day live a VERY simple life. I love to go to yard sales and estate sales. I love a great deal. Sales are my passion especially if I can get something for super cheap or free.

In recent years I have discovered that I have hoarding tendancies. Not that I actually hoard but I could very easily. To put it in perspective...I have 3 sets of good china....all in boxes and not used. :) Granted they were my mother and my grandmothers but still. I have a set of pots and pans that I got when I got married that have never been used because I have a set that was my grandmothers that I use. My reasoning? Why use the new one if the others still work?

#2

As a child...an only child...I often spent more time with adults than kids my own age. Let me be the first to say that I am not always sure that was such a good thing.

We lived in the boonies when I was younger. Not many kids around but there were some my age. I was once invited to a sleep-over birthday party by one of the neighbors only to discover once I was there that I was the joke of the party...literally. I was left out of all the conversations all night and was even drawn on after I fell asleep. And since I went to school with the kids at the party the fun didn't end there. Oh no, it followed me back to campus on Monday morning.

#1

We were new in town. Single working mother and her only teenage daughter coming into a very small, tight knit community. From the beginning neither of us fit in, but that didn't stop me from making some friends and getting a boyfriend. He was a nice guy. Not great to look at but so sweet and he had a great sense of humor. The downside? His mother HATED ME!!!! Why, I have no idea.

I was told by some that it was because he was a mama's boy. No matter the reason the relationship was short lived and yes, my fragile teen heart was crushed. Three years later, as a senior, his brother and I, who were friends, were discussing the upcoming Prom. I made a joke since neither of us was in a relationship that we should go together as friends. Sweet as he was there was no real way he could cushion the blow when he told me that if he were to go with me...even as friends, his mother would go nuclear.

Now, I know what you are thinking, that is not so bad of a story and you are right. It is no where near the worst. I just wanted you to get your toes wet before I threw you in the deep end of the pool :)

and so it begins..........

Okay, so it began years ago but I decided that it was time for me to write it all down.

Welcome to

"The Ugly Girl's Guide To Having It All"

feel free to join me as I muddle through writing this story. This will not be easy for me to write...but then again, as writers we should write what we know. There will be pain, tears and some not so pretty installments as I share this with the world.

With any luck the story will be finished before I pull my hair out or gain 30 pounds from depressed eating :)

What I plan it a fictional tale....based on many actual emotions and things that have happened to me on my journey to becoming who I am today.

My goal? To share, inspire and hopefully make others out there who have had similar things happen to them feel a little less alone.